As a former teacher, instructional coach (consultant), and presently as a writer, feedback and I go way back.

I’ll admit, it hasn’t always been the easy-breeziest of relationships. 

But I’m here to argue that whether you are a small business owner, a freelance writer, or in any profession, your ability to receive feedback and act upon it is one of the greatest skills you can develop professionally. 

It pays off to have more self-awareness about YOUR feedback tendencies. Just ask Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, who wrote the New York Times bestseller Thanks for the Feedback (2015) to examine what goes on in our brains when we receive feedback and how we can use it to accelerate our own growth. Their website is here. 

Reframe Your Feedback Language

If you are anything like me – someone who prides themselves on their achievements, attention to detail, and the quality of their work, constructive criticism that even hints at a suggestion of improvement can send you into a spiral. You may find yourself engaging in thoughts like: 

• I should have prepared more! 
• How did I not see that?!
• Well, they don’t really know…
• I guess this means I must suck at this.

Instead of more helpful thoughts like:

• Well, even if ___ isn’t true, maybe it could be true that____.
• Yeah, I could have seen that. Here’s how I’ll change my process for next time.
• That means I need to learn more about…
• While I’m not really ready to ____ yet, I could totally _____.

“Thanks for the Feedback,” along with years of experience in coaching and consulting, have taught me a few ways to grow even faster. 

5 Ways to Get More Out of Feedback

1. Consider the source. Is this someone who is qualified to give me feedback? Or, if not qualified, is this someone with a perspective that I can’t always see?

I love asking myself this question because it reminds me that even if someone is unqualified to give me feedback, they inevitably have a perspective on me and my work that I cannot see. Then, I can decide if it’s actually something I want to take…or not. It helps me learn on my terms instead of getting stuck in the “Who are you to tell me this!?” thought spiral. 

2. Break the feedback down into categories. 

Some categories I like to use…

• What can I use NOW
• What can I work on and implement LATER
• What can I put on the BACK BURNER.

3. Try to mine for gold. Often criticism is given to us in a crappy little package that looks like a toddler wrapped it. But if you can sift out even ONE nugget of truth, you could use it to your advantage. 

4. Put it in perspective. Try to give it some perspective by acknowledging the bigger picture. 

For me personally, I tend to overemphasize negative criticism and downplay positive comments. In reality, those who get ahead learn from the negative feedback (areas to improve) just as much as the positive (things to implement more consistently). Try to name other things you are doing well/working hard on, name areas of growth you’ve already made in this area, or just be kind to yourself. No one is perfect, and everyone has areas of strength. 

5. Rate yourself. Give yourself a score on how well you received the feedback and how well you responded to it. 

Think of your feedback tendencies, and give yourself a rating scale for how well you respond to suggestions for improvement. Did you completely ignore it and write it off? I’d score that at a D. Did you consider it, sift through it, and take something you could learn from it? A+! 

If you can mitigate your time being rattled by the feedback and get more quickly to doing something about that feedback, whether it is tightening a process, taking a different approach, or preparing differently, you will grow faster. This is where you will have a serious edge over your competitors. 

Here is my challenge for you – Next time you get some feedback and feel a bit rattled, choose one of these strategies to get out of the feedback tornado and see if there is even a nugget of truth in it that you can try to improve. 

And while your relationship with feedback might never be comfortable, it will help you crush your competition.